Wednesday, March 12, 2014

My Review: Avoiding Amy Jackson by N. A. Alcorn

Avoiding Amy Jackson (Infamous, #2)

From Goodreads:
Meet Amy Jackson. An outspoken, raunchy, in-your-face, loudly inappropriate ER Nurse who makes a career out of indulging. 

One-night stands have always been her thing. 

Commitment and relationships are two words that are not in her vocabulary. 

Amy doesn't have dreams of soul mates and white picket fences. She adamantly refuses to even consider the idea of getting married and starting a family. She’s also obstinate in allowing a certain physician to get on her good side…

James Williams. A cocky, smug, too-damn-good-looking orthopedic surgeon who has his sights set on the very feisty Amy Jackson. He is more than intrigued and ready to do whatever it takes…

“I want this woman. I’m the type of guy who will fight for what he wants until he gets it. I will take my time with Amy. I won’t rush her. I will continue to slowly slide myself into her life until she realizes that I belong there. And then…I won’t let her go.”

This is Book Two in The Infamous Series.

                 My Thoughts :

Another book from my fave "smut-zy" Ahhhhh-mazing  ( yes! Sounds fabulous huh!) author, N.A. Alcorn means I have to do the following: 

1. Send my early warning to the waaaay adult readers before opening this book! Serious profanity ahead!! Yes! Like be very ready to come face to face with the synonyms of the ...uhmmm, well... Shall I use the anatomical terms with these part of the reproductive system?! Or the more ...more..blatant...obscene.. ( and widely used?! Hah!) and way interesting C@nt and D@ck?! Oooohhhh... You choose the latter ,huh?  Meeeee tooooo! Haha!

2. Inform you , lovely bookworms that  like the first book "The Infamous Ellen James" ( ooops! You gotta read this first! ), you will still experience pee-ing in your pants...and possibly let loose a series of traitorous fart-to-rathon along the way?! Shocker?! Yes, because you'll laugh harder ! Seriously. So, take my advice: read this book on the confines of your locked room...and don't forget to consider enough ventilation. Why? One word: "Fart-to-rathon" which could lead to carbon  monoxide poisoning?! Tee hee!

3. Whereas, a cup of coffee or tea is the perfect companion for reading, I strongly forbid it! Why? You don't want that scalding water poured accidentally on your.....???! Your lap! Not your ____?!You, wicked, wicked thing! Haha! Or worst , have the beverage of your choice spluttering out from your body orifices, like your nose?!! ( Pray that it's not from your other orifices?! hehe! ) ...and why is so? Because....again, you'll laugh, you'll chuckle, snort in the most importune times!

4. And lastly, before I get carried away with these numbering system?! What the heck?! Numbering system?! Seriously?!  I am not even the most organized person on earth?! This is soooo weird?! ....Okay..Okay....I have to start making a review! Now!

    I  super loved this book as much as The Infamous Ellen James.  There was never a single dull  moment as I read  this one. The fun -filled pages are totally engrossing. I wouldn't be surprised  because I know Ms. Alcorn can totally write  / create  characters that are uniquely capable  to sneak inside her readers.... and discover their own funny bones! The characters, oh the characters were really something!

   Meet  Amy Lucille Jackson. ER nurse ...or should I say, another "infamous" ER nurse from Charlotte. She is one you wouldn't want to think of messing around, unless you want to die a slow and agonizing death by verbal assault! Yes! this lady can literally slice you with her..sexual exploitatives!  Amy also thinks she is a selfish b@tch? Thus , evidence with  the constant hook ups / one night stands ...always to pleasure herself, and that was it. No relationship ever. She prides herself having that "golden snatch" ( My term! haha! ) ...that no man.. or to write it crudely, NO PENIS could EVER resist! ( Uh-uh! Is this "P"-word acceptable?! Am I in trouble?! ). Okay, I'll use the author's wonderful term : Vaginal Hubris?! Aww! Now. I. Am. In. Trouble! haha. Amy must be pretty hot , I assumed. So, she must at least be looking like this?

    As a friend, Amy is the most loyal, funny ,  fierce friend you can ever have. She'll fight for you to death. And I've seen it with her relationship with Ellen and Lizzy. Between being bitchy and wonderful? I think she was more than wonderful... the problem was, she  was not even aware and most of the time in denial.

    Meet Dr. James Williams. The hottest Orthopedic surgeon . Who happens to be an ex-marine?! *fans myself! * When I say hottest, I mean scourging one look from his emerald peepers , your panties.... poof! Yeah! Just like that M-E-L-T-S! Of course, no guy with an  impressive ____?! ( fill in the blank, ladies! ) escapes Amy's roaring ____?! ( again, fill in the blank! ) ...most specially one, drunken, overly horny Amy! Gosh, she literally jumped and throw herself all over Dr James?! Sans her clothes?! Easy , tigress! haha. If Dr. James would be looking like this? Then, I'll bringing on my inner tigress in an instant! haha.

   Amy Jackson all naked in her glorious self... what would a normal , virile and oh-so-capable guy would do? Of course, dive into that chance head -on ! ( dive?! Why all of a sudden it sounds perverted?! Haha! )   But what did Dr. James do ? He let the opportunity passed! Instead , he tucked the drunken...and now really, really pissed Amy  to bed?! Shocker! Oh, he is still a normal, virile, oh-so-capable guy... plus...yes! he earned another name: Dr. Limp Dick! Take that from Amy's super pissed off "V"?! Take note : Vaginal Hubris?!  ( like a narcissistic hoo-hah?! who happens to have an oversized ego?! ).  Amy swore she'll NEVAH EVAH want to do anything  with James  no matter how tempting he was! Believe me, he is deliciously , devastatingly tempting! Green eyes. Pearly white teeth. Hidden dimples?! ( those should be illegal! Seriously!!!)  The well sculpted body?!  ( an ex- marine, ladies!!!)  Plus a bonus: A soup - can _____?!!! per Amy's keen observation ?!  Oh. My . Goodness! It means James has a super sized  ____?!! 

   But  Dr. James has his game plan. He needs a  foul-proof , calculated strategy to  be inside Amy's life and not only  her one time hook-up. First things first. Offer his " non sexual "friendship.  Oh, easier said than done. Did I mentioned that Amy is super stubborn?!  So, good luck Dr. James! Iraq was easier to manage than the raging Amy! Haha.

   So, the quest of winning Amy's heart ? Bring it on! Ohhhh! I just love James' ways! He was patient, all kinds of awesome ...and made it his mantra to be a permanent fixture in Amy's life. No matter how thick , how high Amy's guarded wall, he still manage to get in.  What he did for Amy ? Totally heart melting ! Love, love Dr. James even more!

“Your only flaw is that you’re flawless. In my eyes, you’re flawless.”
His words steal my breath.
They scorch me, taking every last ounce of fear in their wake. My vulnerability is shining through my every pore, and for once in my life, I don’t care. I want to be exposed for him. I want James to see me for exactly who I am.
“Take me. Take me, James. Fucking take me right now.”

   I have a lot of favorite moments in the entire book. I am really, really tempted to spill but NO Spoilers! So, to make it spoiler free  I'll  say it in the broadest words possible. Again, the numbering system:

1. Dr. Simon and his inappropriate  Tourette's ?! ( Think : Big ball sacs ..Trojan man tits?! Ahhhh..the possibilities are endless! )
2. Duck Dynasty?!  ( Oh my! I could not imagine that to be soooo funny! ) Btw, I love that show!
3. James saber-tooth admirer!  Oh my awkward, funny and I had a blast! 
4. The "sock"  ( Particularly James' sock?!) Oh my gawd! I was in tears and about to roll on the floor! HILARIOUS!

   Ahhhhh... I know, curious enough, are we???? One way to find out is to go grab this book ASAP! Promise, you'll laugh like you never laugh before!

   The ending? One word : Oooooorah!!!!   I love...LOVE it!!!! Thank you, thank you, Ms. Alcorn!  And by the way, I'll be looking forward for the next book! ( and it's Lizzy's story?! Fabulous! )

   I  think this song fits Amy to a tee!
    "Paris" ( Oh la la )  by Grace Potter

              I'm giving this book :
        5 Ahhhhh-mazing Oooorah! Stars! 


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