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Sunday, December 8, 2013

My Review : The Infamous Ellen James by N.A. Alcorn

The Infamous Ellen James (Infamous, #1)
From Goodreads :
Meet twenty-eight year old Ellen James. A sarcastic, feisty, foul-mouthed ER Nurse. She is snarky, sassy, and sometimes crudely inappropriate. After a terrible breakup with her fiancĂ©, Ellen has promised herself that she will never make the mistake of falling for another man again… and physicians, well she’s more than written them off.

Once she meets sexy Trauma Surgeon, Dr. Trent Hamilton, this promise is unbelievably hard to keep. This too-hot-for-Ellen's-own-good man is undeniably sexy and down-right irresistible. He leaves her breathless, speechless, and irritatingly turned on. He makes her fantasize about him in all kinds of dirty, inappropriate ways.

With the help of her obnoxious, and often times hilarious best friend Amy, Ellen will find herself in several crazy, embarrassing situations. 

This is a story of friendship, love and how one very sarcastic woman can find the strength to pick up the pieces after having her heart broken. 

In her first novel, N.A. Alcorn provides interesting takes on the word vagina, while giving you a reason to re-think your next visit to the Emergency Room. This book is bound to make you laugh, smile, and provide you with enough sarcasm to choke your grandmother. No, N.A. doesn’t want anything bad to happen to your Grandma Ruth, but she does want you to strongly consider re-naming your vibrator after a guy who’s at the top of your spank bank rotation. Be prepared for dripping juice-boxes, awkward pelvic thrusting, and a little suspense to keep your snatch on edge. 

Warning: This novel contains explicit sex, profanity and far too much vaginal humor. This novel is not meant for anti-fornicators, up-tight prudes, or virgins who refuse to go to Pound Town.

               My Thoughts:

(Another) WARNING:  DO NOT PROCEED  IF :
1. You are a  minor ?( Sorry Teenies, definitely NOT for you! Wait till you can LEGALLY drink and drive! )
2. Anti-SMUT?  What's a SMUT : Highly developed stories with  love lines and other things  that appeal to women that also include  a lot of sexually explicit scenes. ( Per Urban dictionary ) ----This book  is smutty-ish?! Hehe. Reading this book, I discovered something new about myself: I am PRO-smut! haha.
3. Would really REALLY mind  the constant mentions of the "UNMENTIONABLES" in a more detailed  dirtier ...and creative  way! Tee-hee!
4. Would hurl at the mention of the GREAT "F-WORD"... the "S-WORD" in the kinkiest way, and AGAIN creative way! ( A lot, lot are all over this book! )
5. You have Urinary Incontinence. Huh?! Yes ! You read it right! Because you'll DEFINITELY pee in your ..uhmm panties?!  From laughing!

  ....SO, you still proceeded? Now, it's safe to figure out that :
1. You are a consenting ADULT.
2. You are PRO-SMUT? ...or VERY open to the  idea of it?! 
3. Would want to be ..uhmmm, well acquainted with Ellie and Trent's unmentionables?! Haha.
4. Is Swearing in times of certain situations like , you are freaking surprised? You are freaking annoyed? ....or you are freaking elated?! Yes!  A lot of F@cking wonderful moments ahead! 
5. YOU. WILL. STILL. PEE. IN. YOUR. PANTIES! Sorry about that! Hehe. 

    Let me tell you how come I am reading this smutty-zy book: You would be surprised that I read this the moment I bought it?! Not very me. This is me when I purchase  books : I look around, browse, look for something that catches my eye.. Click! Buy. Then store. ( I mean, hoard! Hehe. )  It was those spur of the moment thingy. I never regretted that moment! 

     This is a really, really good book that would put smile , smirk (?!)  and all the ridiculous funny expressions on your face! Just like what it did to me! 

    Both Dr. Trent Hamilton and Nurse Ellen James are really funny, adorable and f@cking hot and sexy together! ( oh! I warned you about those F-bombs! Teehee!)

    When these two meet, I know they will combust! And I know this is weird when I'm hearing Bruno Mars song "Gorilla" playing inside my head ?! 

   ... "Look what you're doing, look what you've done..
        But in this jungle you can't run...
        Cause what I got for you...
         I promise it's a killer...
         You'll be banging on my chest
          Bang bang, gorilla....

    ....Ooh , yeah...
         You and me making love like gorillas..
     ....Oooh, yeah
         You and me making love like gorillas...    <------ See?! Totally singing now! Haha! 

     Meet Dr. Trent Hamilton, the sexiest , hottest trauma doctor on Charlotte Hospital. He can turn any..I mean ANY female unleash her inner sex vixen just by battling his baby blues. He is a walking pheromones and a Shredder?! Or a magician?! Either rip it or make it disappear!! ...uh-oh! I guess, I just lost my undies?! Haha.

      Yes. I heard you say, Holy Smokes?! He is "it"! You are diagnose for  "Hamiltonian" effect! Symtoms include : you having this moments : “lick-lipping, ladyboner-sporting, mouth-drooling, c@ck-craving, bumbling idiot! " uh-oh! Uh-oh! ....oh! And I forgot to mention, you can't do anything about it unless you are Nurse Ellen James!  Lucky, lucky Ellie girl! I want to hate her for this ..but I can't! Because I adore this spitfire with all her funny antics specially when tequila is running through her system?! I just love her hilarious , crazy moments with her friend Amy!  Ellie's Epic fail version of the Harlem shake was the funniest! Oh. My. God. I think I just f@cking peed on my pants! Imagine Ellie doing her drunken version? In a bikers helmet and in her bra?!   Love. Loved it! 

“The intro to the Harlem Shake begins to play loudly in the bar, and that is when I begin to awkwardly thrust my pelvis to the beat of the music. Don't worry, the motorcycle helmet is still on my fucking head.
I'm going to kill Amy for this.
The song continues, and I am still in the corner of the bar, gyrating and pelvic thrusting like a god damn idiot. The camera swings back towards Amy, and she says, "Wait for it." Then you hear the lyric "Do the Harlem Shake" blaring from the jukebox as the camera turns back towards me in the corner.
Oh, god.”

   I already said, I adore Ellie? I will say it again, I really , really adore Ellie! I want to be just like her...outrageous, carefree , censor-free mouthed,  doesn't-give-a-shit and really infectiously funny! And this book was mostly her "censor-free" POV! ( prepare to be astound!) So, I picture Nurse Ellie to be looking like this:
      Yes...and gorgeous! One reason , our Doctor Beautiful Trent becomes very smitten! ( in 90 percent sexual way?! ..the remaining 10 percent goes to personality?! Haha!)  Oh! Ellie felt that too?! Probably mutual! Well, who could blame these two very hot blooded ...bunnies to be all too eager to go and rip each others clothes?! At first, it seems more physical. But the more they get to know...the real "them", the more they realized how much they fit in together. 

    So what seems to be the problem? Well, for one , Dr. Beautiful seems to be "temporary"  at Charlotte knowing that he'll be back to Seattle when Dr. Grey has fully recovered. Oh, forgot to tell you he's a sub doctor. Of course this was bothering Ellie! Because, what she felt for Trent was more than temporary?! And instead of talking this thing over Trent, she push it down...and tried to ignore and avoid it. She hates that she was falling too fast.

    Well, Ellie... Who won't fall for this adorable ...f@ckable ( uh my! That choice of word?!) ..delicious guy?! I am seriously having my Hamiltonian effect right when he said this words:

“I'm falling in love with you too, sweetheart. I know you're scared, and I know the shit that dickless douchebag put you through has you doing everything in your power to never go through something like that again, but I'm not him, baby. Don't run from it. Fall with me. Be with me, Ellie. I want to give you every part of myself. I want to be the reason you wake up every day with a smile on your beautiful face. God, Ellie. You own me. You fucking have me by the balls and I don't even care.”

     Awwwww....awwwwwww...awwwwwww!!! Gimme some Trent Hamilton right now, please?!! He is just sooooo damn perfect! Keep an eye on this one, Ellie... Or I'm stealing him from you! Haha!

     I love how the story goes. Of course, it was not as picture perfect as it seems for these two. But at the end , everything was beautifully and swoony-ciously resolved. I can go on and on..and on about all the swoony...funny..and yes very hot moments between these two...but I'll hold my tongue..or rather my fingers?! ( for typing the words, of course! Hehe.)  I leave it all to you. 

      Oh, and I want to thank Ms. N.A. Alcorn for giving me just what I needed! A chapter of Dr. Trent Hamilton's POV! It was really a Bonus chapter with all the glorious , pussy whipped ( uh-oh! Language!!!) Trent all over it! THANK YOU. THANK YOU! 

“Ellie, I don't want to be your knight in shining armor, your prince on the white horse. You don't need saving, baby. You're the strongest woman I know. The last few weeks have been rough—really rough—but together we're going to get through it. You're everything I could have ever hoped for, and just knowing you has made me a better man. I'm in awe of you, Ellie. Your beauty, your grace, your feistiness, your adorable charm, and your kind heart. Your outspoken personality and spitfire attitude that constantly keep me on my toes, mostly for fear of what you'd do to my balls if I pissed you off”

“Someone else has my heart now. Someone who walked into my life at a very unexpected yet perfect moment. Someone who makes me laugh and smile, and someone who has my pulse racing at just the thought of his lips pressed against mine. Someone who embraces me for everything I am—even the flaws. Trent doesn't put me down or try to change me. He seems to like Elle just the way she is.”

      If you loved the very funny "Tangled" by Emma Chase with the mixture of hilariously sexy "Wallbanger" by Alice Clayton, I guarantee , YOU. WILL. LOVE. THIS. BOOK! Promise.

          I'm giving this book:
5  swooni-licious Trent Hamilton Stars!


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