I met him at a carnival, of all corny places. The summer I turned eighteen, in that chaos of neon lights and cheap thrills, I met a man so sweet, so beautiful, he seemed to come from another world. We had one night: intense, scary, real. Then I ran, like I always do. Because I didn’t want to be abandoned again.
But I couldn’t run far enough.
I knew him as Evan that night. When I walked into his classroom, he became Mr. Wilke.
I don’t know if what we’re doing is wrong. The rules say one thing; my heart says screw the rules. I can’t let him lose his job. And I can’t lose him.
In the movies, this would have a happy ending. I grow up. I love, I lose, I learn. And I move on. But this is life, and there’s no script. You make it up as you go along.
And you don’t pray for a happy ending. You pray for it to never end.
Overthrown by a massive wave of emotions, I was left dumbfounded ....and words ..words I was wanting to say ...just stuck up or got lost somewhere? I felt my knees so weak just like the ones we felt right after riding a roller coaster? I am wobbly, I can't stand straight ..and I have to leaned back or hold on to something... that's the exact feeling I got after reading this book. I never expected a book to do something as nerve wrecking as this. It was... it was.... both exciting and gave me the scare of my life!
“You’re pretty brave,” .... sitting up front by yourself.”
Those words brought Maise and Evan together. In a carnival. On a roller coaster ride. To face their fears. To overcome it. But never did they expect that they will do this together...in the other aspect of their lives. What seems to be a casual hook up ...end up into something more... Complicated. Maise is not a typical teen.. she was troubled. Raised by a drug dealing / using single mom , Maise used hooking up / sleeping with grown up men as something to fill that void. I was shocked that this girl can do those things so casually. But then as I said, Maise was never a typical teen. Life has been hard for her...even forcing her to grow up. Then, there's Evan.
There's something different with Evan... She felt it...she panicked ...so she ran away. But that beautiful man , mesmerized her ...and really hard to forget.
“the lips that looked made for poetry and murmuring sweet French nothings in cologne commercials. Je te veux, mon chéri. But now there was a whole face to go with them, and that face—oh my god. You know when a swimmer gets out of a pool, and they’re radiant and flushed, mouth open a little, eyelashes dewy and sparkling, squinting like they’ve just come back from another world? He had that look, permanently. Like he wasn’t really from here. He was some beautiful thing coming up from a beautiful place, squinting amiably at our brightness and filth”
.....that beautiful man also happened to be her teacher. I know, awkward right? But she literally fought her way just to be in that film class. No way she's going to back out now?! Besides , it was just " one night of intense , mindblowing sex?!" Yeah. Right. But the looks they had when their eyes met , said something more. ...would they give in or will they lose control? When they both knew ...it was forbidden.
I just love the way this book was written. I admit I was not really a fan of the super angsty ones ( this one's loaded with a lot! ) ...but this book? I am hooked from the very beginning! Teacher-student relationship was never new to me since I already read books with same theme. I was expecting this to be...well, somewhat similar from what I have read before. I was wrong. This one's different. It was deep, all consuming, words can't express feelings that took me in ..drown me...making me breathless.
It was like I was there , a witness to the struggles of both Maise and Evan . And boy it was really really messed up! I've been cussing and swearing most parts of the book! ( which was really unlikely of me?!) . There's a lot of WTF , and more "eff" up situations! As the story goes, it seems like the angst was intensified?! And it's non stop! I was afraid my poor heart could not handle it...or more of ...losing my sanity??? Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!! I should probably stop, before I burst?.... But no, like Maise and Evan, there's no stopping now!
“We sat there in the shadows, full of unspeakable things.
“Now I know,” he said, touching me again, “why I was drawn to you. We have the same darkness inside.”
“You don’t seem that much older than me,” I said. “Do I seem young to you?”
He kept stroking the same lock of my hair absently. “In school, you seem older than everyone. With me, you seem young. But I feel young with you, too.”
“We have no age. We exist outside of time. We’re timeless.”
Arrrrrrrrghhhhh!!!! But she's your eff-ing student, Mr.Wilke?!! Ahhhhhhh!!! This sooooo eff up!!!! And I can't believe I am screaming at my poor e-reader! Haha. Wait, I put all the blame to the wonderful , Ms. Leah Raeder! You are amazing!
The need to touch, to fuel their desire...was stronger than the fear of being caught! So, expect the super steamy clandestine meetings! And when I say super steamy...it was scorging steamy!
“I want to keep you. I want to hold on and never let you go.”
No one in my life had ever said anything like this to me. I felt disembodied again, but this time because my body was too full to contain me, too crowded with light and stars and shimmering galaxies like pinwheels studded with diamonds, spinning their brilliance into the void without caring whether it would ever be seen, just needing to shine. The bed beneath me was cloud, my skin a sheet of moonlight lying atop it. And this man, this amazing, impossible man, was the sun.
“You can’t, though,” I said, trying to defuse the intensity. “Remember? You can’t hold on to a shooting star.”
I love the written words...deep...poetic ...the metaphors...just beautiful! I felt every single emotion here. But what I felt the most? Obsession. Desperation. Longing. Love? All the same time. It was overpowering ... Overwhelming. As the climax build up, as Maise and Evan faced the inevitable. Choices have to be made. To stay ....to flee...to hold on or to let go? I was on the edge of breaking down! I sobbed...cried...
“Out of everything I ever learned from Evan Wilke, I think that lesson was the most important: that none of us actually grow up. We get bigger, and older, but part of us always retains that small rabbit heart, trembling furiously, secretively, with wonder and fear. There’s no irony in it. No semantics or subtext. Only red blood and green grass and silver stars.
“Don’t be afraid,” Evan said.
With wet tears still on my face, on the few last pages of this book, I held my breath...told myself , so this is the end? ....then something happened...
“You’re pretty brave,” the guy beside me said, “sitting up front by yourself.”
The floor fell out of the universe. I was in freefall.
Love. Loved it! For those who love a heavy dose drama and angst , this one is definitely for you!
My playlist for Maise and Evan:
I am giving this book:
5 Amazing Highly Emotional Stars